life is just getting so meaningless.
attempted a integration Q jsut now. and as usual, i dunno how to do. by that, i really mean ALWAYS.
sighx...
feeling all the same again.
hoping that weekend reaches asap.
but now i noe, my weekend aint free, again!
last weekend was packed with gg gardening thing then lc outing then shopping w mum.
sunday was out again then had wedding dinner which ended the usual time(11+) and i could only get to bed at 1? stupid bro, always taking so long in the bathroom.
then....
today! 3 weeks more to exams
and im still far from starting, with the many tutorial not yet done and perhaps lost in paradise.
cant stop stoning during lectures.....shivering in the cold despite the jacket....and boring boring days with boring boring ccas with routine and more routines!
i need concentration!! :(

bleah...
wads worse is econs test on both thurs and fri!
how crappy can that get?!?! mcqs drqs and essay!!
stupid stupid econs! hate hate hate!
bleah....

so...tml is the air rifle re-trials
confirm cant get in with the additional "competition".
bleah...
gg today was bad....since when does gg meetings last over an hour!?!?
more j2s joined. that is an ultimate bad news....yeap yeap...but i noe all of their names! :D good job *pats my own shoulder*

gtg watch tv le... there goes my hmwk. my exams...
yeap...and i actually scheduled 8 to 9 to complete maths tut and 9 to 10 to try and read some econs.
and wad did i do??? :(

posted by -yourname-

21 jan : spent on studying sth that sucks a whole big time. spent more on watching tv...
22 jan : SAT sucks a whole lot ----traumatised...----
23 jan : watched tv and tv. thinking tt i really needed this stress-relieve thing...
24 jan : started on the gp package.
25 jan : a run around the sch...read the gp package. regretted signing up for the maths thing. physics tuition. dinner out w fam.
26 jan : failed the gp package. pulled torture upon myself. met nicole!!



bleah...dunno why...but i think i resort to blogging when im not feeling good...
hmm...not all are bad...save for the run, physics tuition and dinner out and met nicole.
run was slow, and i went spectacle-less, but was accident-less.
physic tuition...gotta noe this guy who lives just at aspen hts! maybe can add him and really form a car pool. (go green!)
dinner out...the food was quite nice.
met nicole...so cool! outta nowhere! took 32 w me...she needa go for work...and we complained bout the salary stuff...hahah...

so....
got to noe tt pple already started studying for terms..
i shall too!
but how how HOW!?!?!

jsut damn tired :(
started the sch term, determined.
now? totally spent! stoning thru'out the day...zombie-ing everywhere....
needa a nice nice sleep...a free free weekend! but...bleah
hate saturdays la! everything just crashes on that day!
gg gardening thing, then lc outing and the hope to wear contacts again...
blleah bleah bleah...

chemistry is just getting worse...
thought i'm enjoying organic chem...
but the chemical reactions accumulates as my worries culminates!
cant they just teach everything all together and let me take the notes and sort out for myself!?!?

physics...
tuition has been quite effective, but definitely still not worth the money.
the hiking of the prices by cutting down the no of tuition hours but still paying the same amount of money....
at least i can scrap thru daily sch work...

maths...
integratn by standard, of trigo functions, of inverse trigo functions, by substitution, by parts! what else?!?! so many tutorials that are not done!
i love the feeling of triumph when the tuts are done thou :)

econs.
i think i will drop this subj eventually.
maybe cuz my basics were lousy...but im just not the type for econs la...

gp...
gp package!!! arh! gonna fail when itis an open book test, what else can i do during terms and exams?!!?

chinese...
sure to retake le...

ccas....
cant quit photog and gg....
air rifle? really wanan get into sch team thou..
dun wanna let my "R" category blank....
guitar? 40 bucks for coaching? fat hope!
art club....wanted to go for it today...but...stupid maths comp! bleah bleah bleah!
and the many things to be done...proposals, attendence list....what else?

anyway...
my hamsters gave birth like a week+ ago...
only left w 2 babies....
cant wait!

measures to tackle the upcoming terms....:
study study study! :'(

sighx...cant stop dreaming about fun-filled uni days....relax, joining cca tt i like(most prolly rock climbing, unless they, too, have trials...) and i wanna live in hostel >.<

[edit 21:47]
dunno y i so blur nowadays...
maybe itis just cuz im forgetful...
one such excellent exmple...
i only rmmbered bout tuition at 6.15 when i was bathing...which was bout 6+?
i rmmbered having tuition thruout the day. as in, i rmmber now, but i forget bout it a second later...
blahx...
tired tired tired >.<
dunno wads e purpose of going for tuition when i wasnt paying attention at all. and gulped like more than a tube of mentos mint during tuition!!
bleah...diabetes.... :(

posted by -yourname-

changed the song thingy...nice? :)

feel so crappy now >.< *thats y i changed the song... :P*
was light hearted when departing the school (temporarily, unfortunately)
school today is surprisingly easy to be forgotten. (as usual for my absent minded me?)

then..
physics tuition..
din realise cel goes for it too!

bleah...
seriously i dunno wads wrong.
tot everything went alright. really alright.
but i jsut feeling bad now.
some kind of guilty.
some kind of uneasiness....
dunno y. but im already in the study real hard mood, when i shouldnt be.
and im sure im gonna flunk the upcoming SAT I....
so there u have, a "claire" that the stupid doctor and her nurse calls me and forbids me of contacts for another 2 weeks!
yeah. 2 weeks of lethargic.
2 more weeks of being so protective of my pretty specs :)
luv the colour! but hate the feeling of having to wear it.

hmm...if i gonna have another specs (cuz that stupid doc says the degrees aint enuf, as u noe...the degrees on each eye increases 50 every year, at least) i gonna have it purple!
but i still lurve green turquoise...esp this bluish greenish thing im having on my face of lassitude...

tml gonna be a short day so is thurs! 1.50 for both days! :d
and fri is a hol... :)
and...wassup?
just wanna rest i guess.
has only been two days, and im in such a pathetic state...

and...i still havent writing any single diary entry! =x collecting layers of dust now...
threw javelin(e?) for pe today...still, ultra slack....
yeappie...unlike other javelins, mine flew, twist and landed. went agaisnt the sand, cut thru the frail grass flicked the dusty patch and rolled along before it came to a halt.
when will i halt?


Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

posted by -yourname-

nvm.
i like being child care provider.
i once tot of becoming social worker....but...they recieve lil salary...hahah
yeappi! fund raiser! love it! organise activities and freak myself out!
O.o atheletic coach, not bad! not bad at all! but please give me a sports tt im good at :)
special evvents producer...so cool! so special! so enigmatic! lol...
tcher...once tot of it. but dun think i have the commitment. if i wanna do, better make tis job of being a pedagogue a meaningly and a lasting one.

posted by -yourname-

hmm...
not to scare anyone or of any intention to shock n stress anyone.
i really wanted to study sth. ie, op amp! just cant understand that stupid thing...
really really wanted to get stuff straight. then, get the straight outta my brain...

sighx...but but but!
the stupid photog tcher, ms ho! tok so much....
then had shooting...got 3 consecutive lousy air rifles...and theres only 3 choices for me! one is can click it open, second is sth wrong with aiming and that dunn-wads-itis-called thing, and the third, no first pressure! so i dunno when i am actually releasing the pellet!! >.<
then tuition!
wah..i think tuition nowadays are all cheat cases. spend like 35 bucks for a supposed 2 hour tuition when itis effectively one hour! er...in today's scenario, itis ZERO hour! the vocab was taken from 1100 words, and i did that turkey compre before...which means i wasted like 3 over hours??(including traveling time)
fed up! >.<
and the stupid physics tuition...hate his attitude.
i hate that gp tcher who took over ms ho last sat.
i hate the ms ho in charge of photog.
maybe, all i should do is just hate myself.

posted by -yourname-

first.
was my hamster. please laugh, but not at me :0

second.
IS the go green name list!!!
the attendence sheet last year!
really searched high and low for it...but... >.<

third.
trust in pple, things.

er...im sure theres a fourth one.
probably all those memory of those tt i have once misplaced and now ive misplaced that memory.

compre compre compre!
so vexed frustrated!!! >.<
i just cant start on AQ! :'(

dun feel like going to school!
i just wanna take prelims now.
then take the a lvls soon!
quick quick quick!

[edit 21:22]
the truth is that i enjoy writing AQ once i start on it!
wahhaha...prattle all the way! :)
gp is all about using cheem cheem words....hahaha...quite true.
would love to learn those words :D

continued reading the time magazine featuring the tsunami...
i really wanna go there, and do some volunteer work.
bout those grotesque sights of the decomposing corpses....heck care bout them.
but just go there and help. and maybe for a selfish reason, to take a look at sth once in a lifetime, offering aid n perhaps mitigate the situation, and disappoint myself yet again to find that theres no ans to what im finding, cuz i really dunno wad im finding. maybe just end of my world.

posted by -yourname-

posted by -yourname-

hmm...
somehow...i think im quite efficient today..
finish the article research for econs within like half n hour or 45 min...plus the churning out of crappy Qns and economic terms....
then...
finished the 6 Qs on the nestle 3page article in 45min! :) wrote...4 pages.. O.o but of course alot of empty lines...to wait for her ans...
hahaha...

first time gg for physics tuition today....
okay la..
charlie chan is v weird.
neway...i think i benefit alot from it!
at least now i noe wad is an op amp! :P and the basic calculations for it...
yeappie...
fabula soong....er...i think i still spelt her name wrongly..
dun really like her...shez v insulting...very presumptuous...
bahx...
nvm her...but she is more approachable[in class] than DK la..
she ans ur Qns at least :)

then...sean tan!
O.o cool...how come my class have quite alot of good tchers tis year...
whether they are infamous or seriously v good...i think ac is bias towards the sa sc sb 1 2 and 3s...
really la..
put us together for the same physics lect, wad does that show of ac?
neway...i dun really see the potential of sb1, when theres this black sheep[me] in the class...
lalala....

bout 80 more Qns of physics to do!
and maths curve sketching to chiong tml morn before assembly!
nites...
hahah...stupid me...not tired again...only fell aslp at like 5.15 yesterday?(the last time i saw was 4.52am) and had to wake up at like 6.30
bahx..
this is worse than torn -ing isnt it?!
yeap yeap...nitezz
shall stop prattling...

posted by -yourname-

bleah..
found teh sheet of ppr writing the econs hmwk..
but i cant find the worksheets!
i really cant!
i packed the who junky area but i cant find them!
:(
how?
theres still physics to do
maths to complete
gp to be printed and done..

hmm..
but theres at least one thing comforting...
regarding the physics tuition tt im going tml, i noe at least on of the ac pple pple there :)
hahaha...now i need not fret over how to go there! :)
bahx!
back to the search!

posted by -yourname-

bleah...
dunno why.
i felt nothing. nothing at all when i first heard bout the tsunami...
just thought that it is just another case study to burden the pple taking geog.
i believe i behaved nothing happened till yesterday...
cant believe that im out having countdown ... wilding away. yeap, really wilding as in attacking others, but being victimised for most of the time.
give some thought to the hackneyed phrase HAPPY NEW YEAR
the year wont just start anew, will it?
it would stop and start again.
nor will it start a "new" year with a thursday[cuz i like thursdays], a sunset, a day inundated with joyful laughters. but it would not. not for them.
however, theres at least one thing that we have to thank for: this year of 2004 would not replay.
catastrophic disasters, the recent EQs, nature's moodswings. regional onez, avian flus. Bush still reigning despite his lawful, humane war by killing many and caused killing inhuamnely. and those in spore, nicoll highway collapse...
neglect those that occured on u and urself only ya.

in time of months or even days...all these will de discarded, or at the very best, thrown to the back of your mind.
may that happen very soon...at the same time, a NEW refreshed pristine year may be shared with those pple affected by the nature's mood...

and i really wanna tell the person who was very lo soh when i was doing at tampines, the one with alot alot of speakers and mrc-looking stuff. that, you have to enjoy while working too! or maybe do sth more that pumping tar into ur lungs and dust & vibrations into your year, and a mouth that spits foul air(cuz of ur cigs)...

to the teenage girl who threw coconut on my feet yesterday:
thanx for the luxury bath that my foot had, after having a whole day wet with rainwater...
and learn to look before you act. cuz i wasnt the one who sprayed the string thing towards you. and in case u din notice, i have none of that in my hands, and i was a victim of more that just the strings. neway, thanx for the one dollar spent on my feet for im just a stranger yet you are so willing to share. [sacarstically] and wad i said was true, you are really fierce (in a unreasonable way). im glad that u heard me.
however, allow me to give u my condolences, for you heart of joy and play had been annihilated at such a young age.
speaking from my heart, i really hope u do well in ur future. smile more kiess...

posted by -yourname-

clara wong

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