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Sunday

i really admire those pple who have ambitions and go for it, even if their ambitions appear to be unreachable, even if they are bitch or bastards in real life.
went to the travel fair yesterday w my mum...i think what i want ain't just a holiday overseas. i wanna live overseas! as in, start all over again, by myself, making frens w pple who are different, different from asians. maybe itis my humdrum life that spur me onto this thought, but i've been skirting this thought for long enough to know that that is what i want.
yeah, im not brave, im not daring. i wont have the guts to pursue that.
anyways, my plans for my room still aint up yet. that is what i call procrastination, and plain sloth! having much to be done, but just being unbothered about it all. bahx.

dunno why, but im not touching the camera anymore. such a waste. maybe im just not looking deep into stuff, and not being contented with what i have. Instead, i want to throw them all away, hoping they wont leave a trace and definitely not to be captured in the lens.

posted by -yourname-


Saturday

listening to S.E.N.S. - 04. Wish ~ Piano. reminds me of the studying and mugging for exam days when i instinctly plug the earpiece into my ear. Then, i wasn't troubled over stuff that i thought i will be bothered about, thinking that i'm young. Young but wanting to grow up. im sure everyone went thru that phase, and still is going through it. when im 4, i wanna be 10. when im 10, i wanna be 16. 16, 18. 18, 21. 21, 35? hahah...i guess thats end, the next honourable and respectableage is probably 65? hahah...then i'll have to wait 46 more years!!

oh ya. and james blunt's songs! i was crazy over then during the A lvls period...when i vacillated between 93.8 (the bbc news) and james blunt, esp goodbye my lover. that song is so conducive for studying even though i cant help but sing along w it! haha...yeah, i had my own room to study, with the doors shut, so my bro n mum weren't in any form of torture.

how i struggled to memorise names, dates, events, statistics for gp. how hard i tried to read sloman but still unable to get past reading 10 pages in total. haha...hope my cousin has put it to better use. how hard i tried to study, i only end up reading the notes and making my own notes. hahah....i really do feel guilty spending money on those topical tys, yet they are still so clean. those tys that comes with detailed answers below the questions are simply so much more user-friendly!

in the evening, i will stare into the sky, looking at the setting sun which was partially blocked by the two blocks of buidlings just 50 metres away. and my brother would enter the room to kajiao me, like intermittent rain, unpredictable, and sometimes annoying. then, i will think of the scene in wimbledon, and scenes from another movie where they showed them jogging. of course, the female movie stars wore tight track pants, showing off great bods. hahah...i wld get so tempted to go jogging!

most indelible was the day of my bdae! when wai ryl n robs came over to my hse to celebrate my bdae! when i recieved the pretty bottle of candy, and a pretty box filled with nice nice stuff! and the earrings made by robs! simply wonderful! hahaa....that was the day when all i cld manage was a couple of mcq papers. and i did with amazing speed(so tt i wld have time to check it over n over again) haha...and the yummy cake tt my bro got from the cake shop near my house.

hah. anyway...i was just thinking, why must i get myself all so aggitated at every point of my life! grow up! grow out of all the dumb brain-straining worries! easy to say than done.

i wish i can just click archi, ID , chem engin for nus. then aero, acc for ntu. maybe i'll do just that when i have enough guts to let my curosity rule my life, then letting the possible regrets lead my decisions.

before this, i was worrying about the results. all the what-ifs.
even before that, was the job and stuff.
precedent to that was the studying stuff...
the list goes on and on, and even longer if i get into every detail...

sighx...anyway, i got excited over recieving 4 letters! those type of letters that grown-ups recieve!! mwuahaha...2 from CPF, 1 frm NTU and 1 from UOB. haha...glad those nothing involving debt and pay-up stuff.....but im sure there'll be a day when i get sick of recieving them, and having to tear envelope to retrieve the letter inside. i might just end up tearing the package into half and piece the torn letters together. or maybe, i'll be adroit enough to tear off the side to get the letter out.

anyways anyways. had a great swim today! mwuahahah...and i bought a book yesterday!! man and boy! a nice cover and i believe it has wonderful contents awaiting me! :D

posted by -yourname-


Sunday

received an email from CARE. i dunno why im not doing the CIP stuff anymore. and im certain that my active involvement in CIP wasnt for the CIP hours, but for the fun of it. and i do find them fun, fun that comes easy and gets rewarded.

sigh...anyway...i think im a lazy person, not physically lazy but lazy to make myself busy.

went for ntu open house yesterday, and nus open house today, and a short visit to smu open house after that. wai fel and i are all stressed. really stressed. while ryl is the only carefree one. i must have gotten myself into much trouble that made me so troubled. bahx.

walking home from smu din work, swimming din work too. havent got the clear-mindedness to solve them all now...how how how? i find myself stuck at the crossroads. left is the engineering path, well-paid, and a more secure job that i probably wont find myself hating it much, cuz engineering is engineering and is engineering. all about maths chem physics and at most, bio. right is the architecture course. this includes taking up the master degree of archi which is a 5 year course, or industrial design which is a 4 year course. not a lucrative job, cuz the beginning pay is at a low of $1400! and to be a real architect, you'll need to have 2 years of work experience before u can take this test to get ur license to be a real architect. im sure that wont be an easy exam, maybe worst that the wadeva specialist exam that doctors take. so, by the time i get to really design a real building and get my concept accepted, i'll be 30 years old! but taking up the master degree on archi allows u to do industrial design related jobs, but not honours for ID to take up archi. anyway anyway. what so complicated about that?

let's hope that tml will be a good day.

posted by -yourname-


Friday

feeling quite horrible now...mixed with a tad of sleepiness....and a whole spoonful of worries.....a jug of fatigue....a pinch of optimism.

work has been a moody cycle of being busy and having nothing to do(almost). it always piles up at the wrong time...

yeah...joined lindy hope with ryl....which was org by nus lindy hop dance thingy...anyway it was cheap and very good! compared to the lousy salsa one! though we're learning the second half of the course which is rock and roll, easier to pick up, though i guess i'll never be able to master it. lindy hop is really nice! now i feel like learning hip hop. :D

and im gonna take my blog as a bdae calendar again...haha...kai kian's bdae: 13 march and cynthia's 10 Jan. met up w them today...haha...helped me entangle the many dead knots i had bout uni stuff....but theres still many many infinitely others left!
sighx...
im still interested in the same six courses....but im slightly more interested in two, namely chemical engin in nus and aerospace engin in ntu. hmmm....i still wanna try design, but being in the not-optimistic mood today, i dare not venture deep into that thought....but, if i dun give it a try, i'll regret! oh ya, heard from kaikian tt his fren got into archi with grads of BBC! guess he excelled in his interview thats why. and i wanna see for myself wads the interview like! heh.
accounting, seems stressful...and environ engin, a not-so-heard-of course i guess, so i kindof neglected it....
a thing about chem engin, i dun wanna appear to tail my sis's footsteps! the good pay and good working hours are indeed luring me into choosing it, but i dunno if im really interested in it, with all the thermodynamics and stuff. i totally sucks at those topics when im in jc! bleah...and theres some bio stuff in that course too?? i just like chemistry, the organic chem part....but i like physics! so should i apply for aerospace?

sighx....at least theres sth i can look forward to...a weekend away from work...away from wearing heels and long pants....i wanna play tennis! i wanna spar w my bro! haha...sis moved into her condo beside mine, hopefully we'll get a chance to play tennis there soon! :)

and about the title....i typed it bout an hour before i started really blogging....and i was thinking to say:
I'm a billionaire, standing at the Washington National Airport *, where i have a total freedom to choose where i would wanna go to, but im only able to take one flight. no ticket back. Spoilt for choices, but a truck of regrets trailing me, cuz if i choose egypt for the mysteries, the fun may not sustain me for long. if i choose Europe, the COL may drain my wealth. What if China appeared to be the correct choice? full of opportunities, but also full of failed entrepreneurs....

haha...anyway, Egypt is suppose to be archi, Europe-Aerospace Enging and China is chem engin. so crappy. hah. gotta work tml and itis already 3am! haha...



* :This depends on whether you monitor aircraft movements (the numbers of take-offs and landings), or passenger numbers. An airport such as Washington National may have relatively high aircraft movements, but as the largest aircraft it handles is a Boeing 757, it handles relatively fewer annual passengers than other airports with similar movements.

posted by -yourname-


Thursday

sometimes, i wonder.
wad if i am not a clara. elizabeth? i like that name-elizabeth, really. cuz pple can then call me lizzy instead of carla.
wad if i am angmoh, or indian, and not in Singapore? will i be more thankful of wad i am?
wad if i am blind, i can then live in my own delirious world.
wad if i am a boy. then i get to see wad ns is like. will i be wad i am today?

today, i realize, i am one person who gets influence by others' emotions highly, extremely, acutely. i may show a smile in front of my family, but wad do i really feel? nothing will be a absolutely apt word to describe...

and, i really do feel like splurging some money. on story books! :)

oh ya, my sis's hubby passed his specialist interview, to be someone specialising in bones? isit ortho-sth-sth? anyway...yeah...congrats to him!

and i found out, i hate clubbing music, but not as bad as my aversion towards techno songs....yeah, ballads and pop songs are my type. tee..

oh ya...yesterday's was my cousin's bdae! and it was our first cousins outing! cool rite!and i found out that the rest of us shares birth dates that are close to each other! yvonne, 18oct. dorothy, 7 oct. bro, 1 nov. me, 28oct! johnathan is e odd on out though, 28 feb. and i din realise tt hez so shy! haha...and my bro thought i was drunk, hez mad. saw huiying there, not close to her la, but seen her in school for 6 years. wanted to go up to her to wish her good luck for tml(ie today), but i din. but i'm sure she saw me cuz we caught the attention of everyone in the bar. hah. they had a nice live band there yesterday, and im totally amazed that a pregnant lady can have such powerful voice! anyway, theres this new flavour for mentos! super duper sour!

yay. tml is thurs, and tml tml is fri! tml tml tml is sat! i'm so gonna get my sleep thus weekend, finally!

posted by -yourname-


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